Rockman Zero director's cut
by Dr. Autux
Summary: Zero meets up with X in the Neo Arcadia Shrine accompanied by the "helpful" elf Olbiad.


Rockman Zero - director's cut  
  
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In the year 200x, to be more precise 2003 Dr Autux created a Mega Man Zero parody fic. Thus Rockman Zero - director's cut was born.  
  
Author notes:  
  
This is my first attempt at writing a parody fic so all feedback is welcomed, not that it wouldn't be otherwise.. ;-).  
  
**Spoilers**  
  
Beware dear grasshopper, for this parody fic may contain spoilers for those of you who haven't beaten Rockman Zero. And a warning goes out to those of you who are sensitive to profanities.  
  
**Misc info**  
  
Character name* indicates that a character is thinking.  
  
****  
  
****  
  
(two rows with stars) indicates that there is a change of scene.  
  
**Copyright info**  
  
"If creativity is a field, copyright is the fence." - John Oswald  
  
This work is hereby released into the Public Domain. To view a copy of the public domain dedication, visit http://creativecommons.org/licenses/publicdomain/ or send a letter to Creative Commons, 559 Nathan Abbott Way, Stanford, California 94305, USA.  
  
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Zero is standing outside and gazing up towards the gigantic Neo Arcadia Shrine, X's domain. His mind is occupied with disparate things; how am I'm going to defeat X? Am what I'm doing right? Does my current shampoo make my hair glow? What weapons shall I use? And so forth.  
  
Then suddenly, out of nowhere a small verdigris-green coloured thing comes flying through the air heading towards Zero. While flying it's constantly emitting sparkles. Since it looks harmless Zero pretty much ignores it.  
  
Sparkly thing: 'You know you're supposed to go in and defeat him, right?'  
  
Zero: 'Talking fireflies? What the..'  
  
Firefly: 'Hey! -- I'm no firefly, I'm a cyberelf. To be more exact an animal-elf, that's why I look like a bloody parrot if you haven't noticed'  
  
Although Zero doesn't pay any attention to its querulous chatter and teleports away in order to duel X.  
  
****  
  
****  
  
After his and X's initial chatter the firef.., no I mean cyberelf appears once again.  
  
Cyberelf: 'My name is Olbaid, I was sent out by the great Deku.. No I mean professor Oak.. No wait.. Well anyway there are a vast number of us and you can collect us and then use our powers'  
  
Zero: 'Where have I heard of this concept before..'  
  
Olbiad: 'Nowhere, it's completely unique since we cyberelf's were created by the great empre.. I mean scientist Ciel. Anyway, with my power I can save you from any pit!'  
  
Zero: 'You couldn't possibly save me from these perennial plot holes, could you?'  
  
Olbiad: 'What do you mean?'  
  
Zero: 'For example, can you tell me how come I can damage these androids with weapons that are made based on technology that is more than a century old?'  
  
Olbaid: 'Ehh.. you see..'  
  
Zero: 'And how does it come that X uses weapons that are as old as mine and not newer ones if he's been alive all of the time?'  
  
Olbaid: '...'  
  
Zero: 'And finally..'   
  
Zero who has been fighting X without much effort during the whole conversation jumps over X who's charging at him in full speed and slashes him in the back with his fully charged Z-sabre.  
  
Zero: 'No answer? I thought so. So, tell me Olbiad, what's this thing blinking in my visor?'  
  
Zero gives X the coup de grace.  
  
Olbaid: 'Well it tells you that you can activate the elf that you have selected, in this case me. But beware since using an elf means sacrificing it and doing so...'  
  
A high-pitched sounding bip-ing tone fills the room for a short time and the elf withers away.  
  
Zero: 'Ooops' he utters in a sarcastic voice.  
  
'I guess the pits in the story were too deep for it' A devious smile is seen on his lips.  
  
Zero: 'One to go..' he says while putting away his Z-sabre. He casts a glance towards the defeated X who is lying on his knees on the metal floor.  
  
Zero: 'Too weak'  
  
X: 'SILENCE young Skywa..'  
  
Zero: 'Hush, you've mixed up your lines again! If I hadn't stopped you we would have had to kiss our metal-arses good-bye due to the following sues by mister-who-shannot-be-named-and-that-sues-all-fanfic-authors-cause-he's-a-greedy-bastard'  
  
X: 'Yeah, yeah take it easy. It's not like anyone gives a fuck about the story anywise considering how much Capcom has screwed with it over time'  
  
Zero: 'You do have a point there'  
  
X: 'So, where was I.. oh right here:'  
  
'Feel my try powah! I will terminate you for sure, behold my giant ingenious... EIGHT-ARMED FLYING MACHINE(tm).'  
  
X's unveils his perfect form; angelic X.  
  
Zero: 'You've built that thing yourself?'  
  
X: 'Actually, I stole the blueprint from Dr Wily's secret plan archive'  
  
Zero: 'Dr Wily's secret plan archive?'  
  
X: 'Yes, and it was a piece of cake for me to locate his cylinder-shaped preservation utility for evil mastermind plans while in his laboratory'  
  
Zero: 'You mean his thrash can?'  
  
X: 'No, it was his secret archive I tell you! Along with this I found blueprints for Pirate Man and Magic Man among others...', tunes down his voice and there is a moment of silence.  
  
Zero* 'Talk about a meaningful silence..'  
  
Zero then defeats the newly turned mute X causing him to fall apart and to lie on the cold metal floor with only his trunk remaining surrounded by the debris that once was his wings.  
  
Zero: 'This is something you don't see everyday - symbolism in a Capcom game!'  
  
X: 'Don't get your hopes up kid! I've still got one ace up my sleeve!'  
  
Zero: 'No.. Don't tell me it's..'  
  
X: 'Yes.. Behold the infamous ace of.. CLICHÉ!'  
  
Zero: 'The horror! Save me someone!'  
  
X: 'Muahhahha!'  
  
**Cheesy laserdance-music starts playing**   
  
X's dorky 7.31-surround equipment: 'Self-destruction in area X will commence now.'  
  
Zero* 'Area X? How creative..'  
  
****  
  
****  
  
Zero is awakened due to an ongoing monologue. He is experiencing something best described as a reploid-hangover.  
  
Voice: '...but the hardest part was when I discovered that I no longer cared about  
  
fighting enemies and that it had taken a whole bloody century for my AI to figure that out!'  
  
Voice: 'And here I've sold my soul numerous times, like when I did that Wonderswan-port of Rockman & Forte - did that one smell rotten a mile away or what?'  
  
Voice: 'Anyhow, Now I will abandon you to your fate to star in an endless amount of slowly quality-decreasing sequels, muahaha!' The laughter disappears followed by the characteristic sound of teleportation.  
  
Zero stands up and opens his eyes in the hot and windy desert.   
  
Zero: 'Ohh my head, what a hangover.. And what the fuck was that all   
  
abou..'  
  
Zero is shocked by the sight of thousands of X-droids in front of him idling with their eyes laid on him.  
  
Zero: 'That bastard must've teleported them here en masse as he left. It'll take me months to kill them all'  
  
Then Zero's cursing is drowned by the sound of the previous occurring cheesy laserdance-music and the tiresome process of droid-slaughtering begins as the credits roll by. 


End file.
